My BF told me something that happened to him that had me in tears on the weekend (from laughter).
Background: he is living at home right now about 4 hours away, we have been dating for just over 6 years. We have talked many times about me trying to find a job there when he is finished school. But I keep telling him I am not going to move unless I have a teaching job, supply work at least. We have also discussed marriage, and both think it's not time for us since we are not living in the same town, and he is still in school (until June), we cannot afford it right now and we don't want a super long engagement.
He is planning on moving out and working at the clinic his mom owns, his mom and her business partner have offered him a job when he graduates from his masters program. LUCKY GUY!!! They have recently expanded their business to a new location, and this new place has an apartment above it which they have also offered to BF. He plans to move there after he graduates.
This weekend he was doing some homework in his room and his mom comes in. She asks him if I an planning to move to their city this summer. He told her that we were talking and I would move there for the summer but then back to my town if I didn't have a teaching position lined up there for the fall. Then she asks if we plan on getting married (this kind of threw BF for a loop). He said not while we are long-distance. Then she said "maybe she is waiting for you to make it official before she moves here." He was surprised by this comment and said "I don't know." She says to him, "You need to figure these things out" and then she turns and leaves.
He called me after and tells me this and I was just as surprised as he was. Of course we have talked about these things before. He was just so surprised by her questions and comments that he wasn't able to tell his mom this. I was laughing so hard after I heard this, especially because he said she was serious when she was asking these things and it got BF all worried thinking about these things.
I do eventually want to marry BF but not until things are in place. I'm not ready yet, especially financially-wise. Sure 6 years is a long time to date, but I need to find a teaching position first, we need to pay off debt, start saving for a wedding, house, car, furniture, etc. I can put a wedding on hold until we are ready. I wonder why his mom was asking these things?? He has an older brother and not questioning him (dating his girlfriend for 6 months). Is it bad for me to stay in my town until I find a teaching job where he is? Is that being selfish?
I agree with you, if you'd get married now, or even in the near future, you would probably be unhappy with the decision (after the hype wore off, of course). I think it is very wise to get one's own things straightened out before you try and add a second person to your life permanently.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
I think that you've got to do what's right for you. If that means waiting, you should wait :)
ReplyDeleteIts not selfish of you at all!
ReplyDeleteYou should be proud of yourself for sticking to what you believe in and wanting to accomplish certain things and have financial security before making a huge commitment like that.
I am in the same situation- I have been dating my BF for 4 years in February and I don't feel one bit pressured yet to settle down until my career is 100% stable and my finances are in order. Its always nice to think that one day you could afford to put on your dream wedding/move into a house, etc and not have to worry about finances.